Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Triangle Relationship - What a mess i got into.


In a messy relationship and almost reaching the 3 year mark. First 2 years of the relationship was a bliss and utter happiness. As a third party appeared, my partner found another interested party. it slowly gravitated towards an offical long distance relationship for the 3rd member.

Honestly, we are in an open relationship. Because i have my own short comings and it would be unfair of me to stop him from the usual things that makes him happy and vice versa. We would often talk about it and i tease him about him having a mistress. But never did i realise that it would take so much his time from me and i would feel such a huge change in who i fell in love with turning into someone whom i am slowly falling out of love with.

I could say part of it is my fault for letting him have his way. Part of it is his for not having the balls to own up to his mistake and still want to have it his way to have both of us. Not everything is as simple as giving it time and letting it resolve itself. Relationships problems are not something you can solve by being passive.

Being in a blissfull relationship and suddenly having a drastic change is unsettling. Before that I have undivided attention and now I feel like I am sharing whatever left over time he has left after spending time interacting with the mistress.

In a day, his interaction with the mistress is well over the time i spend communicating with him. Imagine that he video calls the mistress at lunch lets say 30mins to an hour. Comes home, take a break and continues video call again from 9pm-1am which is 4 hours. I only get a chance for an hour at most 2 hours a day just during dinner time. Neglect was what i felt.....hurt was slowly boiling....i dont feel lucky anymore as i did before. I wanted my pain to just end.

I am lost, the person who gave me so much joy is now a topic of torment boiling under a calm surface. What have i done really to deserve this? Am i not enough that a second person is needed. Maybe i am not deserving enough for a happy relationship.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Meh I'm back =p

Its 2012!

2 freaking years since I last posted anything in this god forsaken blog of mine. But i have the urge to since there are lots of things that happened in the beginning of this year. First and foremost a Happy New Year to everyone who is reading (but i think there will be none).

Chinese New Year feels like just another day, I got the feeling that there is a lot of people feeling the same. Ain't as happening as it was back during my younger days where everybody everywhere in whichever dark or brightly lit streets set off mass amount of contraband fireworks. Kids play outside lighting crackers and throwing pops all around. Kinda miss the feeling, now Chinese New Year feels so awfully quiet with kids playing their PSP, NDS, laptops and hand held mobiles. Time has indeed changed towards something which is less.....memorable.

Instead of remembering who made who cried, or who made big bucks on the table. Kids these days will remember more of "I got max level in my game!" instead of some family time. Boring as it is, sometimes out of the boredom one would find something interesting or something stupid to do to entertain themselves. We get lots of good memories and stories out of these instances of being bored. I was accused of pushing my cousin into the pool and that one incident got me stuck with the title "THE ONE THAT PUSHED HER INTO THE POOL". Honestly I was framed = = dang cousins pushed me which caused a domino effect.

So there you have it! There is nothing memorable for the new year celebrations! What memorable beginning this is for the year 2012.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Its a new year! This new year for me started abit shaky as i'm bouncing in between decisions to start in a new company which will be hiring me to design games or for me to go back to another customer service job. =P heck life will be boring if i stick to what is safe all the time. So I took the challenge to live out my dream a little sooner than what I'm prepared for.

The job position I applied for is Junior Game Designer. In all honesty I'm actually doing more than that, I design the concept of the game and also design everything regarding on the art of the game. Usualy for a game you would need a game designer, 2 artist and 2 programers. So in short i'm doing 3 peoples workload with designs and artwork itself. Heck its good experience for me anyway because it makes me more adaptive. In the few weeks of work my Illustraitor skills and color sence seemed to improve compared to what i can do before and my limitaion in the usage of colors. =) happy with my growth and hope i'll improve more.

My results for my first term exams is out =D got an A for Game Studies and B for the rest of the subject. Happy with what i get and can't wait to start the new term which is in the begining of March. Everything is going well now, feels happy and perky but somehow something always tells me that all of this is too good to be true. I'll keep a backup plan just in case.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

The dilema and the road ahead!

Well its been another long time since i posted anything here. I have survived the first term of my college life pursuing my dream job as a game designer with 5 more terms to go. Study in the day, worked the night shifts and juggle a freelance job designing games. Lost like 5 kilos of weight in my 2 weeks start in a new diet and a new resolve to keep things going.

Its been good and happy thinking of what I am doing and what I achieved,reflecting on what I had done since the end of the year is coming to a close. Not everything is going smoothly however i might be sent to do some job hunting because the company decides to change its working policies and give us a month in notice before the change. It does not allow permanent night shifts anymore which makes it hard for me to follow because my class are in the day. So I'm feeling the highs and lows as this is the new hurdle I have to get myself across.

Christmas is around the corner and it always drags my mood down knowing that it will be another lonely night sleeping in bed wishing for something that I don't have =p. Happens every year just like my birthday. Its the only 2 days in a year where I have the urge to isolate myself and start sulking on the what ifs and what could. Heck =) we are not perfect and for me it beats bottling all the feelings and pretend nothing is wrong in which my personal opinion will make a person explode and go crazy.

Keep smiling is the best I can do for now and the only thing I know how to keep. Till i have more to tell. Laterzzz.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

The Desperado!

As I'm happy and crying deep down inside with sadness (Don't think so) I munched down a Big Mac set without having much pity for the cow that provided this heavenly meal. Just barely passed 2 weeks of wheat bread and tasteless food I lost my cool and went straight to a McD counter and ordered my first fast food set. IT TASTE DAMN GOOD I TELL YA! KEEP YER HANDS OFF MY FRIES!!(Smacks my thieving friend)

I went totally bonkers there and then and I never felt happier.....except for the guilt part right after I finish digesting it after a few hours in the office. When I realized what i have done, damn it was just pure depression. Self control over food is the least of my concern before = = from eating nice and tummy full food to just plain and half the portion seem to amp up my cravings more. At times during the 2 weeks I sometimes just go to sleep if i feel hungry.... mom usually always right, I hate it but its the truth. She said that eating less is fine but skipping a meal would make you wanna eat more when you have your next meal.

Damn!! Begone Evil Spirits!! (Images of fast food mascots)

Till i have more to write, laterzzz

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Argh!! I have been missing for so long!

Ugh sorry first to myself for not updating my own blog. Sorry to someone who is peeping into my blog previously, didn't know there were that many but thanks. Anyway the last day of Pangkor Island was spent sleeping all the way home after a densely stuffed lunched of seafood sponsored by our bosses.

Now an update on my current self, I started college =) and I'm loving every moment of it. It feels damn good to be around people with the same interest and people who knows what you are practically talking about. Though my schedule is packed and and hardly have time for other things i feel satisfied even with the lack of sleep I'm having.

Well other than that I've been in and out of the hospital for check ups and observation due to some out of the ordinary complications. Doctor says due to the lack of sleep I have my blood pressure hoisted up a little and I'm being put on a diet to reduce weight Pronto! Chop Chop! Did some test and my glucose level is normal and all i need is lots and lots of fruits.

I have been neglecting the treadmill and giving myself an excuse that I still need more time to adjust to my new busy schedule but I know real well that I can take it on anytime.....then i found a second earphones were dead...I can't jog till i get some music to my ears when I'm runnin. Even knowing this much I refuse to budge and move towards the direction of the endless running contraption. I think I need a nice hug and a word of support = =. Having some stress relief taken from me is a little hard since I'm on a diet.

No list for 2 months
1. McD
2. KFC
3. Pizza
4. Cookies
5. Fried Food

Its mental torture when your working next to a mall with lots and lots of FOOD~. But HECK! After all this is done with I might enjoy the fruits of my labour, a healthier me. (Ugh i dreamt of having a nice sushi buffet)

I kidnapped my home toaster and brought it to the office, there alot of predators and violators want to have their hand at the toasty fella. One of my workmates brought a whole loaf just to have it work to finish the whole loaf of bread. Well its good since I can save my pocket from the constant spending i use to have on food.......I somehow miss that evry much.

O well till I have more updates, Laterzzzz!

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Return of THE FAT ZOMBIE! (Pangkor Day2)

Sorry for the late late late late updates, I apparently had myself visit the clinic due to the common cold, got some time out, resume work for a short while and ended up visiting the hospitals emergency ward over a bloody nose that did not stop bleeding after it started pouring out of my nostrils for 45 minutes and another 25 minutes AFTER I saw the doctor. = = rough calculation and assumption I lost like a nice amount of blood. My head felt light like a butterfly and my mind lacks the sting and sharpness of a bee. I'll write this in another blog update =p now to continue on my Pangkor Island trip.

I forgot to show it on the first day blog update, this is how my room looks like during our stay =). On the second day we are to meet up early in the morning we are being rounded up like cattle to the field area to group up with those we met yesterday. My eyes reluctantly opened themselves for the activity that awaits all of us. The theme of this activity is "FISHY BUSINESS". Immediately what comes across my mind is having us catch some fish in a bucket or something like that. My mark was not far away but instead of a bucket we were to catch fish at the shallow waters of the beach.

We were all guided to the beach and into the waters where we take a group picture of everyone present before we start the activity. I saw them carrying a box of already small dead fishes fresh from the market. The thing we need to do is catch and collect as many fishes as we can being thrown and flung into the air by the activity organizers. Well its more complicated than a simple catch and collect, vultures (players from another team) roam the waters and will just grab what you already collected by force if they cant get any. Plundering is not against the rules so we did have one or two fishes stolen. At the end of the time limit everyone was to get out of the water and head to the fields again where we count our spoils of war. We got 43 fishes which placed us second to the winner of 55 fishes.

We are then asked to cook the fish as part of the second event which followed, those who had the most fish gets to go first and pick the ingredients and there are only limited amount of ingredient available with the points earned with the number of fish caught. We are to buy the ingredient with those points and I wish I have gone and picked it instead of 2 girls that hardly know nuts about cooking but luckily I gave my 2 cents on what we must have and they can shoose whatever they think we can use with the remaining use cryin over spilled milk. Not all girls these days cook for they eat out more than eat in at home because of a busy lifestyle. So we have the list of things like :

3.Ginger (Useless)
6.Curry Powder (Useless)

So the useless items are the balance points which the girls spent on. = = I'm a bit of a coward when someone ask me am I confident in anything, even though I know cooking fish like this a simple job but it ended up complicated with more than one person taking charge of things. So I was asked to leave the cooking to the girls (I worried a little) and help them do a 3rd activity which is sand castle building. Its something I love to do and =D damn I know what the heck to do since i was a kid. Won a few sand castle competition during my younger times and I'm proud that this is the most confident event I think I can do with.

As usual, someone always tells me what I'm doing is wrong so they took over and what they created was a heap of sand with a person buried with his head exposed....... it looks like the Pharoh's Tomb and with the traditional representitive of chinese offereing to the dead with 3 sticks planted to the ground like incents. Well there is nothing I can do there since they are having fun with it so I went back to the fields where the field where the fish is cooked. Nothing much I can do there too, the pineapple was being roasted & the fish being cooked. Well all that is left is presentation of the food cooked, being the son of a former F&B manager. I know the in's and outs of food judging so I might as well try to strike some points in presentation by making a nest of papaya leaves, fan like leaves and lots of flowers (The resort gardener is gonna kill me if he catches me doing what I did) I basicly took a knife and started hacking the bushes and trees for their leaves and flowers. I was reliefed I wasn't the only crook doing it =p. So the nest looked nice and pretty with the fish in the middle.......and we put the offering of cooked fish in front of the tomb and waits for the judge to come.

The amount of smiles and laughter we got from the judges was hillarious as our team leader explains what the theme is about with the tomb and fish. O well, its over and I can relax and enjoy the rest of the event looking at other peoples work.

The activity ended and we are all free to do what we like in the resort so I took a nice long nap in the room to prepare for the barbeque dinner we will be having for our last night spent in the resort. There will be an activity and prizes for the best dressed participants in the dinner event. It was an eye opener to see my superios wearing bikini and cross dressing with stuff napkins to increase the size of their artificail boobbies. The won the event hands down and it gaved me some memorable laughs (Gut cramp! UGhH!).

The dinner ended with the anouncement of the winning team, the best dressed and also some words of wisdom from the bosses. We went back to the rooms and played some cards and then off to bed to prepare for the journey home to KL.

More updates laterzzzzz . Still tired >_<